Life of Newly Qualified UK Lawyer

Tag: legal humour

  • A Solicitor’s Survival Guide to the Christmas Party Season

    A Solicitor’s Survival Guide to the Christmas Party Season

    Ah, Christmas party season. That magical time when HR gets nervous, solicitors sharpen their pencils, and someone inevitably ends up dancing to Fairytale of New York on a table.

    As a solicitor, I love a good knees-up as much as the next person. But I can’t help seeing the legal risks lurking behind the mistletoe. Call it occupational hazard. So here’s my tongue-in-cheek guide to surviving the office Christmas party — legally speaking.

    🍷 The Drinks Flow Faster Than the Policies

    Let’s be honest: once the prosecco starts flowing, so does the “banter.” But remember, what feels like a hilarious joke at midnight can look like Exhibit A in a tribunal come January. My advice? If you wouldn’t say it in front of your boss on a Monday morning, don’t say it after three mulled wines.

    💃 Dance Floors and Duty of Care

    Yes, the Macarena is technically a health & safety risk. No, employers don’t get to shrug it off just because the venue isn’t the office. If someone sprains an ankle doing the worm, there’s still a duty of care. (And yes, I’ve seen it happen. Twice.)

    📱 Social Media Shenanigans

    The Christmas party photo dump is fun until someone tags the firm in a picture of “Dave” from accounts asleep under the buffet table. Confidentiality breaches aren’t festive. My tip: keep your phone in your pocket and your dignity intact.

    🎁 Inclusivity Isn’t Optional

    Not everyone celebrates Christmas, not everyone drinks, and not everyone wants to wear a paper crown from a cracker. A truly inclusive party is one where everyone feels welcome — even the person who’s allergic to mince pies.

    Christmas parties are meant to be fun, not fodder for litigation. So eat, drink, and be merry — but remember, the law doesn’t take a holiday.

    And if you see me at the party, I’ll be the one sipping ginger ale, watching the dance floor like it’s a live case study. 🙂

  • 🎩 The Conveyancer’s Survival Guide: Dealing with the Dreaded Difficult Opponent 🎩

    🎩 The Conveyancer’s Survival Guide: Dealing with the Dreaded Difficult Opponent 🎩

    Ah, conveyancing — the noble dance of property transactions. A world that involved land registry, client hand-holding, and the eternal wait for the missing management pack or forgotten searches! (I am off course not entirely innocent in this, but for the purposes of writing this post, lets assume I am perfect!)

    But nothing — and I mean nothing — tests the patience of a conveyancing solicitor quite like dealing with that solicitor on the other side. You know the one. They treat email replies like fine wine (must mature for 5-7 working days), CC their entire firm in every correspondence (OK a bit of an exaggeration), and will die on the hill of a missing “the” in the contract.

    So grab your de-caff tea, straighten your tie (or hoodie, no judgment), and let’s dive into the delightfully awkward ballet of dealing with difficult counterparts in conveyancing.

    🏠 The Curious Case of the Unresponsive Solicitor

    Let’s start with the classic: The Phantom. They vanish for days, only to return with a one-line email asking for a document you sent last Tuesday—twice.

    Survival Tip:

    Forward the original email with attachments and a cheery note like:

    “Just in case the document got lost in the property dimension 😊”

    Bonus points if you reference Mercury being in retrograde.

    📞 The Over-Talker

    These folks call instead of emailing. A lot. They begin with the weather, detour through Brexit (in the good old days, more likely this hot weather at the moment in the UK), and eventually meander their way to asking if the searches are back.

    Survival Tip:

    Politely steer the conversation like a canal boat captain. Try:

    “Lovely to catch up! Let’s pop it in writing so we’ve got a clear trail for both clients. I’ll follow up now.”

    Then swiftly hang up and run for caffeine.

    ⚖️ The Drama Queen (or King)

    They threaten to collapse the deal over something very simple and fixable with the appropriate indemnity insurance policy. They use phrases like “wholly unacceptable” and “deeply concerning” about something which in the grand scheme of things should not even being discussed by solicitors.

    Survival Tip:

    Channel your inner yoga instructor. Breathe in calm, breathe out sarcasm. Reply factually, not emotionally.

    And if it gets too much, remember: the delete button is only symbolic for your feelings. Not legally binding.

    💌 The Passive-Aggressive Emailer

    You’ll spot them by their signature move:

    “As previously stated…”

    Or worse, the triple full stop…

    Survival Tip:

    Match their tone? No. Rise above it, but with flair.

    Try:

    “Thanks for your email. Just to confirm, we’re on the same page here…” or gently remind them we are all working towards the same goal – sale/purchase of a house that everyone wants to complete.

    Sprinkle in a smiley face if you’re feeling spicy. 😊

    😎 Top Tips for Navigating the Conveyancing Jungle

    1. Keep Records Like a Victorian Archivist – Every email, every call. You never know when you’ll need to play the “well actually…” card.
    2. Use Templates – The best armour is a good standard reply. Saves time and emotional energy. I also use an app called TextExpander but there are alternatives – saves a huge amount of time for phrases, emails or text you use often.
    3. Celebrate Small Wins – Completion statement balanced? Reward yourself with a biscuit.
    4. Practice Legal Mindfulness – Repeat after me: “It’s just a house. It’s just a house. It’s just a house…”
    5. Vent (Responsibly) – Group chat rants are essential. Just don’t accidentally reply all. Talk to the legal secretaries, have a fellow colleague whom you can trust and vent too.

    🏁 Final Thoughts

    Working with a difficult solicitor is part of the great UK conveyancing experience. Like rain in July or overcooked tea—annoying, inevitable, and vaguely comforting in its predictability.

    So next time you find yourself staring at an email that reads like a Jane Austen rejection letter, just smile. Remember: You’re the reasonable one. The calm, capable, caffeine-fuelled legal wizard bringing people closer to their dream home—despite the chaos.

    Now go forth and complete! 🏡

    ⚖️ Solicitor by day | 🚢 Cruising the seas and navigating the law | Sharing legal tips & travel tales | 📲 Follow my journey on Instagram | Threads | TikTok | BlueSky |